Ministry Misadventures
by Mists
Summary: What kind of trouble can the trio cause working for the Ministry of Magic? The answer is... a lot! New chapter up! Harry and Ron have a fight. Just how will it be resolved?
1. Surprise!

Disclaimer: This multi-chapter fic is brought to you by me, Mists. I in no way own Harry Potter, this story is written for laughs. It was inspired by the fact that J.K. Rowling said the trio, later in life, would work to help "reform" the Ministry of Magic. And somehow…I think their track record at causing mischief at Hogwarts would transfer over to the Ministry as well…

So I am now happy to present:

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**-Ministry Misadventures-**

**By: Mists**

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**-Surprise!-**

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**-Kingsley's POV-**

It had been a relatively quiet day in the Ministry of Magic. Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt was just finishing up some paperwork on that cool September night, when he heard a commotion from coming down the hall.

Curious, Kingsley laid down his quill and straightened his stack of papers. After he had corked his ink bottle, he got up and moved quietly toward the door. He pressed his ear to the thick wood and listened carefully.

Scuffle like noises could be heard on the other side.

Kingsley frowned at this, how had someone gotten past security so easily? Since the time of Voldemort, he and the rest of his team strove to make the Ministry as safe, if not safer than Gringotts itself.

But as he tensely listened at the door, he was beginning to think they may not have done as good as a job as he thought.

In one swift motion, he drew his wand and threw open the door. He quickly assessed the situation. No one was in the hall…only a single light was lit…and it was coming from the Magical Law Office.

"_Is somebody trying to steal the files?" _he wondered as the auror made his way down the hall.

Suddenly, Kingsley heard muffled struggling coming from within the office as he approached.

Quickly, he pressed himself against the wall and caught the sound of two voices inside.

"_Oi! No way, you're coming with us."_

"_You're not getting out of this, so just stop struggling."_

Kingsley could hear a woman's muffled voice as well.

"_Hermione,"_ he instantly thought.

This was bad.

Whoever these two were, they somehow got the drop on Hermione.

_No one_ got the drop on Hermione Granger-Weasley.

Kingsley the carefully leaned forward and glanced through the crack in the door.

There were two men with her, cloaked in black robes. Hermione had somehow been hit with a full body bind curse. The black threads encased her entire form, from her mouth to her toes. The two kidnappers were just about to lift her off the ground and make their escape when he had arrived.

Their backs were turned toward the door.

Now was his chance.

Kingsley burst through the door and struck both men down with the same binding spell they had used on Hermione. And both fell to the floor, before they could even blink.

The Minister stepped over the two men as they wiggled helplessly and released Hermione from the black ropes.

"Hermione! Are you all right?" exclaimed Kinsley as he removed the last of the ropes from her mouth.

"Oh no! Oh sir, I'm so sorry I involved you in this!" said Hermione as she covered her red face in shame.

"I don't know what's going on, Hermione, but it's quite all right. Whatever it is, you're safe now and that's all that matters." said the Minister as he turned back to look at Hermione's assailants.

"What the? Have Ron and Harry been kidnapped as well?" asked Kingsley as he saw that her attackers had taken on the appearance of Harry and Ron, his heads of the Auror Department.

Kingsley grabbed the one who looked like Ron up by the hair, "You both polyjuiced into them didn't you?"

The _fake_ Ron groaned and rolled his eyes staring angrily in Hermione's direction.

"See!" screeched Hermione, "You two couldn't just leave me well enough alone! And now we're all going to get _fired_ and it's all your faults!"

Kingsley stared at Hermione completely perplexed and then looked back at the clearly annoyed faces of the two men he had captured.

"Are- are you telling me that these two are really them?"

The prone form of Harry Potter, nodded his head in confirmation.

Kingsley rubbed his eyes as hard as he could as he released to two from his curse.

"Thank you, sir. Sorry you had to find out about this…." said Harry as he blindly searched around for his glasses.

"Well I did. Now will one of you please explain exactly_ why_ you were trying to kidnap Hermione from her office?" asked Kingsley as he crossed his arms and waited for an explanation.

"I believe, I can answer that, sir," said Ron as he handed a very grateful Harry his missing glasses.

Ron dusted himself off as he continued, "You see my lovely, hardworking wife here has been working late for the last three days-"

"It's a very important case Ronald!" exclaimed the wild haired woman now sitting at her desk.

"I don't _care_. Today is the _nineteenth!_ And come hell or high water, Harry and I weren't going to let her work all night on her _**BIRTHDAY!**_"

Harry nodded his head confirmation as Ron helped him up, "She just wouldn't leave, sir. And we were quite prepared to take her out tonight and get her nice and drunk, to forget about work. But she sent us an owl, saying she had decided to work late…._AGAIN._"

Kingsley shook his head trying to follow this, "So…you two decided to come here, kidnap her…and make her relax on her birthday…."

"Right," said Harry and Ron as they nodded in agreement.

"Well it won't matter if we go out now, anyway!" exclaimed Hermione frantically, "We're all certainly fired for sure! Well…I'd better prepare this case for my replacement then, so if you all would just kindly leave…"

Hermione then picked up a fresh sheet paper from the large pile next to her desk and began to write.

Both Ron and Harry gave Kingsley a look that said, "Now do you see why we had to resort to this?"

Kingsley let lose a tired sigh, he was getting too old for this.

"Nobody is going to be fired, Hermione." said Kingsley as he gestured to the boys to carry on, "Take her away, boys. She needs to let loose."

"_What?"_ exclaimed a frazzled Hermione as an ecstatic Ron and Harry whooped for joy.

"Hermione, tomorrow's the weekend. Live a little will you?" said Kingsley as Harry and Ron hoisted her up by her arms out of her seat and through door.

Kingsley called to them as they made their way down the hall, "You two make sure she has a lot of fun, and take off Monday you three, all of you deserve it!"

"Will do!" cried Harry as he and Ron shoved Hermione into the nearest fireplace to floo to The Leaky Calderon and have one heck of a night.

Kingsley laughed merrily thinking about how nice it would be to be young again. With a flick of his wand he straightened Hermione's office and closed the door.

One thing he could say about having those three in the Ministry was that there was never a dull moment when they were around.

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**Author's Notes:** Man I'm on a roll today. Hope you all liked the first chapter, more will come as I think it up. If any of you have suggestions of what you'd like to see next, I'd love to hear it! So please leave it in the review box, okay? And if I like it, I'll use it in the fic and give you credit for the idea! How's that sound?

Hope you all liked it!

And please remember to read and review!


	2. Percy Pestering

Disclaimer: The only thing damaged in this story was Percy's pride. Of which I do not own.

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**- Percy Pestering -**

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-Ron's POV-

It was another of those lazy Friday afternoons around the Auror Office in the Ministry of Magic.

Ron sat at his desk, sucking the tip of a sugar quill to a perfect point. When the point sharply pricked his tongue, he removed the treat from his mouth and eyeballed the foam target mounted on the wall next to the door.

For some reason, the scowling image of Viktor Krum's Seeker Card hung in the middle of the target, as Ron stuck out his tongue and launched another quill dart right between his shaggy eyebrows.

"Ha!" exclaimed Ron having gotten another bull's-eye. He leaned back in his chair with his arms folded behind his head, as a cocky grin played across his face.

Ever since he had put Krum's picture there, he hadn't missed a shot since. Ron reached into the quill box to give it another go, when the enchanted clock above his head struck, 2 o'clock.

"Get up and get to work you lazy boys!" it yelled in Hermione's voice. She always found a way to keep them on track…even when she wasn't in the room.

"Oi! Harry! Come on mate, wake up it's time!" Ron called as he sprung up out of his chair and tried to shake Harry awake.

Harry had fallen asleep at his desk, _again._ It had become quite the nasty habit of late for The-Man-Who-Lived. There just weren't that many villains to fight anymore. So he had taken to falling asleep at his desk. Snoring until drool ran out of his mouth like a river.

Hermione and Ron had confronted Harry about this growing problem, but it didn't sink in until he woke up to greet the Brazilian ambassador to Britain with a soaking wet lap. Harry's face was red for a month. And he swore he'd try to stop…

"Hey, close off the falls. Time to wake up!" said Ron trying to wake the sleeping Harry.

"Whha?" asked Harry as he rubbed his eyes awake and looked down at the large puddle now on his desk, "Damn it! I did it again!"

Ron rolled his eyes exasperated, "I really don't understand why you do this all the time, Harry. I mean, just close your mouth for Godric's sake, it's not hard!"

"Oh quiet you," grumbled Harry, "You're one to talk mister, 'Hmmm…Hermione' in your sleep for years."

"Never mind that now! It's Percy Pestering Time!" exclaimed Ron as he dragged Harry from his comfy chair.

Harry's eyes lit up with joy, "Yes! So how do you plan to mentally scar him today?"

As of late Percy, Head of the Magical Regulation's Board and All Around Pain in the Ass, had been getting on Ron and Harry's nerves. They retaliated three months ago by testing out one of George and Ron's new product for Weasley Wizarding Wheezes.

You see after having spent months and MONTHS of _quality_ time with the _charming _portrait of Mrs. Black, George had gotten an _awfully_ _wonderful_ idea. It had taken him and Ron years to perfect, but finally "The Weasley Twins Portrait" had come to be.

As the ad in the newspaper says, "Now YOU can own your very own pair of Weasley Twins! Fun for the whole family! Have the infamous Weasley Twins heckle you for all of eternity! Comes complete with the ability to swear in two hundred and nine languages! Including Mermish! (Warning: The use of Mermish may cause fragile objects within a thirty kilometer radius to spontaneously explode.)

When Dean Thomas saw it, he proclaimed that it would become "The Wizarding World's equivalent of The Billy Bass!" Ron really didn't know what that meant, but Hermione's groan and repeated banging of her head on the coffee table was proof enough of its "extreme awesomeness" for Ron.

While Ron had been trying to figure out how to test his new creation out, Harry stormed into their office, put a silencing charm on the door and proceeded to yell that Percy was only still alive because he was Ginny and Ron's brother. Apparently, the stick hermetically sealed up Percy's butt had gotten shoved further up there over the last few days.

Ron had found his perfect test subject.

After work, Harry and Ron snuck into Percy's office and permanently stuck the portrait onto his office wall.

At 2 pm the next day, a scream of bloody murder shook the entire Ministry Building as Percy appeared in Ron and Harry's office screaming "YOU TWO!" while wildly throwing hexes at them.

And so, the tradition had begun.

Since then, Harry and Ron had been taking turns pranking Percy on a daily basis. Today was Ron's turn and he seemed quite confident.

"You just have to wait and see. Let's go down to the fountain, you'll want a good view of this." said Ron as they went down to the entrance hall of the Ministry.

The fountain had been rebuilt after the war with Voldemort. Instead of the images of wizards sitting upon thrones were now symbolic representations of all magical beings. They were helping each other to rebuild the ruins at the center of the fountain.

Ron definitely had to agree; Luna had done an excellent job with it.

As Harry and Ron reached the balcony, they saw Percy on the ground floor. He was sitting next to the fountain looking very paranoid. The uptight redhead had now taken to hiding every time 2 o'clock rolled around.

Like being in a public place would actually deter them from accomplishing their goal. They were AURORS for Godric's sake! Percy should at least give them some credit.

Ron stifled a laugh as he watched his brother make a poor attempt to hide his face behind a newspaper. Stealth was definitely not part of Percy's repartee.

"The target has been acquired," whispered Ron to Harry as he pulled out a sheet of Ministry grade paper and folded it into the familiar form of a paper airplane.

Harry raised an eyebrow at this, "What's that for?"

Ron whistled as he sent the little plane into the air.

"Watch and learn," said Ron with an evil smile.

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-Percy's POV-

Percy glanced down at his watch as he sat in front of the fountain.

_2:09…they're late. Usually they would have gotten me by now_, thought Percy as he turned back to his newspaper.

Though he'd never admit it, Percy had actually come to enjoy Harry and Ron's daily game of cat and mouse.

It reminded him of back when Fred was still alive….

Maybe that was why he didn't mind the portrait, now permanently stuck in his office, that much. He actually enjoyed fighting with the infernal thing. It was nice to hear Fred rip him a new one again.

In a very _twisted_ way…he had missed that.

His irritation was mostly for show, and he was pretty sure Ron knew it too.

Suddenly Percy heard a shuffling noise behind him, and quickly turned around to see what it was.

He scanned the fountain curiously…but nothing was there.

"_Hmmm…" _thought Percy as he went back to his newspaper.

_Shuffle Shuffle…_

Percy's eyes went wide.

He certainly heard it that time.

Percy quickly folded up his paper and walked away from the fountain.

But the noise followed him.

_Shuffle Shuffle Shuffle…_

_Shuffle Shuffle Shuffle SHUFFLE!_

When the noise was right next to his ear, he spun around and got hit in the head with one of the Ministry's official paper airplanes.

Percy opened it cautiously…

When nothing exploded, he brought the letter close to his face and read two words:

"Surf's Up?"

"_What the hell does-_ " thought Percy as he heard a loud rumbling noise coming from over head.

His jaw dropped as he screamed in horror as ALL the paper airplanes in the ENTIRE Ministry flew over the balcony like a tidal wave. The planes swept him up and plunged him head first into the fountain.

Wet paper and letters flew everywhere as some people yelped in surprise while others collapsed into balls of quivering laughter.

Once Percy dug himself out of the watery mess; he spit out a jet of water and looked up over his head at the sound of his brother's familiar laughter.

"YOU AND POTTER ARE DEAD THIS TIME, RON!" screeched Percy as he ran to the elevator and Ron and Harry high tailed it out of there.

Percy went into the elevator and smacked the button hard.

"_Oh, I'm going to make them PAY this time. Oh, yes I am_!" thought Percy manically.

"Percy…would you mind telling me _why_ you are soaking wet?" asked Kingsley who just so happened to be in the elevator he had gotten into.

"Sssir? Uh…um…I…that is to say…I!" stuttered Percy as he tried to think up an excuse.

Kingsley stared at him questioningly for a moment…then looked down at his watch.

"Oh! Is it 2 o'clock already? I better get to that meeting with Hermione," said the unfazed Minister as he walked out of the elevator onto the next floor.

Percy stared at the man's retreating back in horror.

"Oh and Percy.." said the Minister as he turned back with a wink, "Give them a hex for me, too."

Percy's eye began to twitch as the elevator doors closed.

He was SO going to make them pay.

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**Author's Notes:** I'm back with a new chapter! Yeah! Hope everyone liked it. Next time, as requested by buffalo1fromSalem, Fun with Rita. And for those waiting for a new chapter of "From Respect to Friendship"…its coming…might be another week or so. But it is coming. So until then, please read and review!


	3. Mail Call

Disclaimer: Sorry about the long wait everyone, but many numerous papers, my other stories, and an alien hamster from Mars named Julia have kept me from updating.

This chapter was inspired by a suggestion that my reviewer "**Buffalo1fromSalem**" made a couple of months back. I hope Buffalo likes what I did with the idea!

For the rest of you, feel free to post new ideas. I've still got quite a few of my own, but I would really like reviewers input on this one because it's a really open ended story.

I only own a quarter and a ball of twine! AND THE TWINE IS MINE! No touchie!

Remember this is all for laughs so enjoy!

Now onto the fic!

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-**Mail Call**-

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-Harry's POV-

Once again, Harry and Ron found themselves in the middle of the work day bored out of their bloody minds.

So the dynamic duo decided to go to the Mailroom to see if George's newest line of WWW products had been sent to them yet. They needed to get back at Percy for that bellybutton lint curse. Ginny and Hermione weren't amused either considering it took two whole weeks to go away.

The Mailroom was situated on top of the roof of the Ministry of Magic.

Owls from all over the world would fly in and out of the wide, white marble arches that held up the golden dome.

The sunlight that always seemed to radiate through the enclosure was a breathtaking sight. The height of the building made you feel as if you were floating amongst the clouds. And despite the constant smell of owl poop, one could consider this to be the weigh station of heaven.

But then Harry knew that to be a _train_ station….but then again he didn't want to rain on anyone's parade.

As Ron and Harry stepped off the elevator onto the top floor, they saw owls zooming around everywhere. Some were dropping off packages into the appropriate bins, while others drank and relaxed in the honorary fountain Harry had commissioned for Hedwig.

Carved out of white marble, with warm amber stones for eyes, Harry sometimes swore that statue of her perched atop the fountain would come alive and fly away….

But it never did.

With a sad sigh, Harry suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder give him a reassuring squeeze.

Harry smiled a bit knowing who it was.

"You okay, mate?" asked Ron in a whisper hoping not to alert the Mailroom staff of Harry's subdued mood.

"Yeah, mate. I'm gold," replied Harry as he regained his composer and headed off for the Manager's desk.

He and Ron had to weave their way through loads of Mailroom workers rushing about, sorting mail or magic-ing carts to roll to a certain area.

The Manager's Desk was situated right in the middle of the room so the manager could keep a 360 degree view on everything. His desk was made of two half moon shapes, one in front the other in back that left room in the middle for him to sit in his comfy swivel chair.

And as usual, the desk was empty.

Marcus Fedora, a good friend of Harry and Ron's, was the Manager of this department. Marcus was always full of energy and rushed about helping his fellow coworkers figure out where the Duke of Catanter's mail went, or which seal they needed to use to send a document to the Department of Mysteries.

He was always friendly, helpful and never one to sit still.

So the expensive desk in the middle of the room hardly ever got used.

But the truth was no one cared.

Harry and Ron found him on the other side of the room, helping a rookie levitate one of the mail carts to a shoot embedded in one of the arches. It sent mail down to the Department of Magical Regulations.

"Now, see this is no 'little feather' they made you levitate in Hogwarts my boy! You've gotta put more power into it. Then tip it like that…and _why_ the hell are _you_ two goofballs in my Mailroom again!" said Marcus as he continued to help the young lad without even turning around to see who he was addressing.

Marcus just knew these things. It was like he had eyes in the back of his head… really.

And he always made Harry and Ron feel like immature children.

"Well hello to you too, mate! Is that anyway to greet your old friends?" asked Ron as Marcus levitated the cart back down to the ground and turned around to face Harry and Ron.

"With friends like you two, who needs enemies?" asked Marcus gruffly as he gave the kid next to him a pat on the back.

"Nice work, Dwight. You'll get it eventually. Go take five. You look like you're about to pass out."

The skinny kid flopped to the floor exhausted saying, "Okay Boss…once I can move again I will…"

Marcus rolled his eyes, "Please, you're fine. I took most of the weight off for you anyway."

The manager then turned his full attention onto Ron and Harry.

"So what brings you boys up here, so early in the day?" inquired the man with a smile.

"Well….first because we were bored….and second because we're waiting for a package from Geo-" said Harry but he was cut off by Marcus' indignant yell.

"Oh please don't tell me he's sending you something like that "slime" again! It took me three hours to get the dang Auror squad out of here the last time; even with your paper work! Not to mention how far behind we got when that monster _ate_ half the mail!"

Ron put his hands up innocently, "Now Marcus, you know George apologized for that. It was only supposed to pop out and eat Percy's glasses, _that's all_."

Marcus just sighed in defeat and he rubbed his forehead as if he was getting a migraine.

Poor Harry was desperately trying to stifle a laugh. Watching the Ministry's best taking on and cleaning up after a giant slime monster was one of the funniest things he had ever seen.

Marcus then sighed, "Well anyway, I have to check with the Auror branch of the mail service. Since that "incident," all WWW products are sent directly there," said Marcus as he walked out of the room.

"I'll only be a minute or two!" yelled the man back at them and made a two fingered motion to his eyes and then pointed at them, clearly saying _I'm watching you…_

And with that the burly man left the room.

Harry and Ron gave each other a sneaky look and went around the room to search for something interesting to do.

That was when Harry spotted the Ministry Press Department's mail cart. He looked around carefully and inched towards the cart.

As he "discreetly" peeked inside his eyes lit up in surprise, for there right on the top of the pile was a letter marked as "Urgent: Press Badge Paperwork, from Rita Skeeter."

"Pss!" called Harry, "Ron, come over here! You gotta see this!"

Ron quickly rushed over to his friend's side, "What? Find a dirty magazine or something?"

Harry gave his friend an incredulous look.

"Ron, why is that always the first thing you think of when we do this?"

Ron rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest, "Well we really can't open other people's post now can we? So the only thing we find interesting is magazines, duh!"

"But why always the 'dirty' ones?"

"Oh will you just shut up and show me what you found!"

With an indignant snort, Harry handed the letter over to Ron and his eyes opened wide with surprise.

"This is-"

"Yup."

"And it has her-"

"Actual home address on it, yes indeed."

"Oh mate! The things we could do to her with this!"

"I know" growled Harry almost evilly.

Now mind you, Harry Potter is not normally a very vindictive person. But events as of late involving the Skeeter woman have recently put her as number one on Harry's shit list.

A couple of months ago, Rita ran out of material in her gossip column in the _Daily Prophet_ so she decided to go back to her most favorite subject, Harry. Now normally he wouldn't have minded it and brushed her comments off his back as if they were nothing.

But when she started to insinuate that she "found it quite curious that Harry was still so close to Hermione Granger even after they both had married different people." And when she asked him if anything was "going on" Harry nearly punched her at the Auror Press Conference.

After her column on their "possible" affair, Ginny and Ron got a bunch of sympathy cards from well wishers and Harry and Hermione got twelve howlers per-day. The two couples had had enough, and Hermione sued Rita for slander.

But even with Hermione's excellent legal skills, the witch still got off on a technicality since she never accused them of having one, only implied it.

The only good thing to come out of the whole event was that Rita was fired from the paper….but she wasn't gone long.

A month later, she ended up working for _Snot_. A gossip journal being printed by the now infamous fashion designer, Pansy Parkinson and there Rita came up with her most scandalous claim to date.

As of late, it had been discovered that ex-Head Master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Albus Dumbledore was in fact, gay. Not many cared much about this fact, because it didn't change who Dumbledore was, but Rita was hell bent on sullying not only his reputation but Harry's as well. Luna Lovegood heard about it down the publisher grapevine what Skeeter had done and warned Harry before the issue was distributed.

Hermione slapped the evil bug with another slander suite followed by the confiscation of ALL copies of the alleged issue by the Auror's Department. The court found in favor of Harry this time and ordered all copies to be destroyed.

A few still managed to find their way to the public, but George's contacts helped them round up every last one.

The party that night at the Weasleys was a wild one. Somehow all the issues of _Snot_ had appeared in their backyard and they were setting them ablaze in an awesome display of fiery magic.

A large bonfire was made in the middle of the backyard that made the garden gnomes run for the hills. The kids watched the display and laughed and clapped as Harry, Ron, and Hermione took turns igniting the magazines ablaze as they flew into the air.

The highlight of the evening came when George stood up on top of the picnic table yelling, "Friends! Weasleys! Lend me your ears.." and grabbed the Extendable Ear that he now wore over his war injury and threw it into the fire as well.

Ron cheered, "Ear! Ear!" And the celebration carried on into the night.

The paperwork in their hands was the perfect revenge, and since it hadn't been processed by the Mailroom yet, Marcus wouldn't get in trouble if it went missing. The owl could have lost it for all Skeeter would know.

Oh yes, this could work out nicely.

"So…what should we do with this information, Ron?"

Ron gave Harry a wicked smile as he whispered the plan into his ear.

"Oh…man! That's perfect! That'll show her."

So Ron and Harry quickly wrote down Skeeter's address that could get past the owl ward around her house and sent the forwarded letter away with an owl.

The two then high-tailed it out of the Mailroom before Marcus came back and got wind of what they were up to.

* * *

**- A Few Days Later-**

-Rita's POV-

Rita Skeeter was on top of the world.

Yes, she had just been sued by the great Hermione Granger-Weasley, not once but twice.

But that didn't matter.

She had book deals coming like clockwork and her column was now being picked up by _Witch Weekly_ as well.

Once again she had come out on top, thanks to her Ace in the Hole, Harry Potter.

Her publicist, Herbert Macabe and her photographer, Neil Flint were already sitting in her living room when she woke up that morning.

She yawned, "What's up boys? Why are you both here so early?"

"Bad news, luv," said Herbert as he pulled out a letter with the Ministry Seal on it, "Says here the Ministry never got your paperwork for your Press Badge renewal."

"What?" screeched Skeeter as she ripped the paper out of his hands, "But I sent it in before the deadline! Damn cheep owl renting service, should have known he'd lose it. That paper work took me three days to fill out. No problem, I'll just resend it in a couple of days."

"Nope, can't do that dollface," said Herbert as he pointed to the fine print, "the late penalty for paperwork is a six month suspension from all press events."

"What? But that's ridiculous! I bet that's one of Weasley's new laws, damn her!" yelled Skeeter as she threw the paper into her fireplace.

"Aw well, no matter…I'll just get started on one of my books in the meantime, no problem."

"Yeah…" said Herbert skeptically, "about that-"

But before he could finish his sentence a massive amount of owls flew though Rita's kitchen window, hooting and screeching up a storm.

They all dumped their packages anywhere in the house and took off. By the time all the owls had left, her house was covered in owl droppings and magazines littered the floor.

"What in the name of GODRIC was that?" she yelled as Neil picked up one of the magazines from the floor and whistled when he opened it.

"Wheew! Kinky!" said the man as he eyed Skeeter suspiciously.

"Oh give me that!" she exclaimed as she grabbed the magazine out of his hands.

She then looked at the cover with a start, "_Shed it_? The Wizarding World's number one source for _INSECT_ Fetishes!"

As Skeeter looked around, all the magazines were about insects. This told her one thing, someone knew she was an Animagi, other than Granger-Weasley. Even she wouldn't stoop this low.

But then again… what Rita had recently written about her and Harry might have sent her over the edge.

That was when she noticed that all the fetish publications were sent in her name, but also…apparently care of…. "Roonil Wazlib?"

"This is what I wanted to talk to you about," said Herbert looking at a copy of _Segmented._

"See there's this rumor going round that you have a bug fetish. All the publishers dropped their deals, babe, they didn't want to be associated with you."

"GRRAAHH!" screamed Rita madly and threw a magazine at a flower vase, shattering it into a million pieces.

"Whoa…well I think that's my cue to leave, see yah, Rita I don't want to be around you either," said Herbert as he rushed out the door.

"All my carefully laid out plans, gone! When I find who did this I'll rip him a new asshole!" yelled Rita at the top of her lungs.

Neil just kept staring at the foldout he had just found.

Turning it every which way he said thoughtfully,

"Huh…I didn't know exoskeletons could bend that way…."

Rita rolled up one of the magazines and beat him within an inch of his life.

* * *

**-Somewhere in the Remote North-**

Viktor Krum was just about to enjoy his morning tea, when an owl tapped at his window.

He opened it and the owl dropped a letter into the table and took off.

Viktor opened the letter and raised a curious eyebrow.

He then said aloud, "Vhy dit someone send me dat Skeeter vomen's papervork? And vho is 'Roonil Vazlib?'"

But alas, the world shall never know.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Hehehe! Oh man, I don't know what I was thinking with this one. Hope you all liked it. Please read and review!


	4. Double Take

Disclaimer: This chapter has been brought to you by the letter "W."

For _WTF_?

I own nothing.

Enjoy!

* * *

-**Double Take-**

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-Ron's POV (Mostly)-

"So then what did she say?" asked Harry as the two heads of the Auror Department walked toward Hermione's office to pick her up for their meeting with Minister Kingsley.

"She said _nothing_. Just turned around and left it on the floor," replied Ron describing an argument he and Hermione had that morning over breakfast.

"_No! She didn't!_" exclaimed Harry, sounding amazingly like a 13 year old girl.

"Uh huh, she sure did."

"Not one word?"

"Nope."

"Oh man, mate. I certainly don't want to be in your shoes when you get home."

"Tell me about it…" sighed Ron as the two searched the hall for Hermione's frizzy hair.

"But Ron…come on _really,_ launching pancakes into the air and having Hugo try to catch them was not your smartest plan," said Harry as he peeked into an open office door to see if the brunette was in there.

"I know but….I thought it would cheer Hue up…He's been really down since Rosie left for Hogwarts."

"Yeah…Lily, too. Maybe we can take the kids off your parents' hands next week and have them spend the day with us at work."

"Maybe," sighed Ron as they continued searching for his wife. The truth was that Ron was missing his little 'Pepper Pot' too. Rosie was most certainly 'Daddy's Little Girl.'

Hermione would always call them two peas in a pod and right now…he was missing his little girl with all his heart.

"There you two are! I've been looking all over for you guys!" exclaimed Hermione from behind the _great_ Aurors, making the two jumped straight into the air and whirl around at her.

"Jeeze! Hermione!" squeaked Harry still recovering from the surprise of seeing her there.

"Yeah! A little warning next time, love," said Ron still clutching at his heart.

It was then that he noticed that Hermione was giving him and odd look…almost as if she didn't know what he meant by what he said.

She then quickly regained her composer and shrugged it off.

"Whatever, come on you two, we're going to be late," said Hermione coldly as she turned down the hall.

"Right…" said Ron and Harry as they hurried next to her side and they walked down the hall together.

"Mione…" whispered Ron into her ear as he gently kissed her on the cheek, "You're not still mad at me for this morning are you?"

Then Hermione did something she had never done before, she blushed bright red and became totally speechless…

Suddenly she quickened her pace next to Ron and rushed hurriedly down the hall.

"Must be still mad, sorry mate," said Harry as he rushed to keep up with Hermione.

"Hermione! Wait up please! Ron didn't mean to make you mad-" said Harry as he caught her elbow.

With a sigh, she turned around to Harry and looked into his eyes, "Yes, Harry I-I know I just- don't feel very well today."

"Aww.. I see," said Harry considerately,."But you should really tell that to Ron, I think you hurt his feelings just now."

"You're right," said Hermione as she turned around to apologize to Ron.

The two found him at the other end of the hall waving frantically.

"Guys! Kingsley's office is this way! We're five minutes late! Move it!"

"Oh no! Come on!" said Harry as he dragged a rather pale looking Hermione down the hall to their boss' office.

The trio rushed passed Anita, the secretary in a blur barely making out her scream of, "Wait!"

"Sorry we're-" gasped out Ron as the two men Kingsley was speaking to quickly turned around with a look of horror.

It was a look both Harry and Ron knew well, because the men in front of them were copies of themselves.

Instantly Ron, Harry, and Kingsley drew their wands as the two apparently Polyjuiced versions of Ron and Harry coward in fright on the floor.

"DD-Dad! Please don't! It was all James' idea!" cried the one that looked like Harry.

The one that looked like Ron turned angrily on the cowering form of Harry and growled, "I'm the-! _You're_ the one that suggested _trying out the Polyjuice potion in the first place, Al!_"

"ENOUGH!" bellowed Kingsley at the top of his lungs as the two boys clung to each other out of fright at the loud outburst.

"James…Al?" yelled Harry in shock as he began to lower his wand.

But Ron wasn't convinced yet, "Al, what was James' teddy bear's name?" demanded the red-haired Auror.

"Bbbenny Fuzzbutt!"

"_Al!_" exclaimed the mortified youth.

"James, what was Al's first sign of magic?"

"U-Uncle Ron, do I have to?"

"If you want us to put down the wands then, _yes you do!_"

"Okay! Okay! Blew me up like a balloon and kicked me around the house! Happy?" yelled the redhead on the ground.

Ron then sighed and looked at Kingsley forlornly, "No one else other than the kids would know that. It's them, sir."

"Well- I must say this is quite the predicament boys, how on earth did you two get here?" asked Kingsley clearly worried about security.

"The Portkey," mumbled both boys from the ground and cringed knowing what would come next.

"THE PORTKEY?" screamed both Harry and Ron at the top of their lungs.

"The Portkey that took us five years to acquire?" yelled Harry enraged, "The Portkey you all are only suppose to use in the **utmost **danger? The one connected from Hogwarts directly to the Ministry in case some one attacks the school again? _**THAT PORTKEY? **_"

"Uh…yes?" said James-Ron as Al-Harry began to cry.

"We just wanted an adventure…and to see how well the potion worked….we-"

Before the two said anything more, Hermione tipped over a vase of flowers in the corner of the room.

"Oh dear," she said nervously and rushed to repair it.

James-Ron saw his chance. He grabbed onto Al-Harry and raced from the room.

"OH YOU BOYS BETTER RUN! YOU'RE GROUNDED FOREVER! YOU HEAR ME!" growled Harry as raced out of the room after his two escaping sons.

Ron sighed and rubbed his forehead.

He swore those two were worse than he and Harry had EVER been at that age.

It was then that it dawned on him….

"_Wait a minute... James and Al could never pull off a potion as complex as polyjuice at their age…UNLESS-" _thought Ron as he turned toward his wife who had just fixed the vase …..and was curiously inching her way out of the room.

"Hermione, love…" said Ron sarcastically as Hermione turned her full attention onto him, "When did you get red highlights?"

This prompted a frightened squeak from the girl as she realized the potion must be wearing off. Quickly she ran from the room yelling, "James made me do it!"

Red sparks flew from Ron's wand as he gripped it with all his might.

"ROSIE!" he bellowed and stormed out of the room.

And as he ran down the hall he yelled, "When I catch you, you're getting such a _spanking!_"

The Minister of Magic just shook his head and placed it in hands.

"_Those three certainly got their parents' love for mischief,"_ thought Kingsley as he was itching for some Firewhiskey right about now.

"Uh..sir…" came a voice from the door.

Kingsley sighed and looked up at the form of Percy Weasley with a confused look on his face.

"Yes, Percy…"

"Umm…do I _want_ to know why my little brother ran out of your office screaming that he was going to spank his wife?"

Kingsley just sighed and said no.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Hehehe! Next time!

Harry and Ron take Lily and Hugo to work and have "Storytime!"

Hehehe!

Hope you all liked it!

Please read and review!


	5. Take Your Kids to Work Day

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I have merely kidnapped him and am using him for my own nefarious purposes.

Harry: "Help me!"

* * *

**-Take Your Kids to Work Day-**

* * *

-Harry's POV-

Harry Potter, Savior of the Wizarding World, grumbled as he towed his daughter, Lily toward his office in the Ministry of Magic.

He was not in a good mood today.

This was because of a decision that one fiery redhead had made three days ago.

His wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, and sexy wife had somehow procured tickets to the most sought after event in British Wizarding History, the British American elimination game for the Quidditch World Cup!

Even Harry's usual Quidditch connections were unable to help him get tickets to this event.

But apparently, Ginny and her press pass had more power than he…

Save the world and what does it get you, really?

Anyway, Ginny had only been able to get one other ticket as she explained to Harry, Ron, and Hermione during their weekly double dinner date.

Harry was shocked.

Oh why couldn't she have told him this in private? He could have whisked her away without anyone knowing where the two had gone. They could have dumped the kids off with Arthur and Molly and no one would have been the wiser!

How could she? They were husband and wife for Godric's sake! And Quidditch conversations were just about as personal as you could get!

And the fact that she mentioned it in front of the one person who could steal his chances to go, her brother, was simply unforgivable.

The great Harry Potter had been betrayed by the person he was closest too.

The irony of it all.

Ron immediately got down on his knees in the middle of the restaurant and began to beg his sister for the ticket. Saying that for once two players from the Cannon's roster were actually on the team or some rubbish like that.

Harry was not going to let that happen!

He got down on his knees to and attempted to push Ron out of the way as he tried to make his wife see reason and give him the damn ticket.

It wasn't long until Ron lost his temper and the whole argument escalated into an all out brawl. Pasta and table forks flew everywhere as the two heads of the Auror Department battled it out for the Quidditch ticket.

After Harry's arm accidentally knocked into a waiter resulting in Ginny getting hit in the face with a pumpkin pie, her infamous temper surged to life. She then Bat-Boogied the heck out of them, screaming that they were both immature children and she'd rather take someone sane.

It was then that his wife did the last thing he'd ever thought she'd do.

She decided to take Hermione.

And since Hermione was mad at Ron for getting into the fight, she agreed to go.

That's right, Hermione.

As in, Little Miss I Hate Quidditch got to go see the Quidditch event of the year while he and Ron were stuck at home with the kids.

This was SO unfair.

Not only that, but since both men now blamed the other for this predicament, they decided not to talk to each other…even while in the office.

This was the first time in many years that two men had had a fight of this magnitude.

Whenever they did, they just couldn't function properly.

Everyone in the ministry could tell that the two were a mess, ready to explode.

And so with the women gone to America, Harry decided to bring Lily to work with him to cut the tension.

_"No one could resist that cute face! Not even Uncle Wonny,"_ thought Harry as he brought Lily into his office.

Just as he opened the door… Hugo ran into him and tackled his legs.

"Hey, Uncle Harry!" the boy exclaimed as he gave Harry a hug.

Harry sighed, "Hey little mate, what's up with you?"

_"Looks like Ron had the same idea too,"_ thought Harry as Ron gave him a shrug and turned away.

"-and then! I got a Frog Card of Mummy! It yelled at me just like she does and said that I had dirt on my nose!" said Hugo as Lily pushed past Harry to greet her favorite cousin.

The two kids laughed and giggled joyfully, happy to see each other again.

Harry thought it was funny because they just seen each other four days ago…but he guessed time just seemed to move more slowly to children.

He continued to smile down at them as he remembered what it was like to see Ron and Hermione again after a long absence.

"So Dad," said Hue looking up at his father, "What do you and Uncle Harry do here all day anyway?"

Ron puffed out his chest proudly and exclaimed, "Supervise!"

This made the two children giggle. It was no surprise that George and Ron were the favorite uncles of the Weasley family.

Harry shook his head and decided to take the wind out of Ron's sails, "In other words, we sit in this office all day being bored or filling out paperwork."

The kids burst out laughing again at his cynical reply.

Ron glared at Harry, not liking to be out done, "Well it's still a very important job…"

"Oh yes! Very important," said Harry with a sarcastic edge. "That reminds me, Mrs. Maldue is still claiming that aliens are stealing her underwear off of her clothesline. Should I send Daryl or Callie to the scene?"

The kids fell onto the floor rolling with laughter.

Harry watched as Ron's ego deflated right in front of his eyes.

The redhead then grumbled out, "Daryl…he could use a break," and then grumpily plopped down into his desk chair.

After Harry filled out the paperwork and sent the airplane memo flying, the kids wanted to try so Ron convinced them to send pretty pictures to Uncle Percy.

Harry chuckled at the thought of Percy discovering his Inbox was filled with kiddie drawings instead of important messages.

As the kids began to draw, they asked Ron if he would tell them a story. Well Ron being Ron, he jumped at the chance.

He laid back in his chair and propped his feet up on top of the desk.

Ron then cleared his throat and asked what kind of story they would like to hear.

The kids of course wanted a fairy tale, with a lot of fighting and adventure.

Ron tapped his finger to his chin in thought and said, "All right then…..let see here…"

Harry snorted at him and looked away trying not to laugh.

Ron glared back at him, but for some reason he had a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

_"Oh no,"_ thought Harry, _"that can't be good."_

"Once upon a time, there was this handsome redheaded knight named…uh…Rupert! Yes, Rupert."

Harry just let out an exasperated groan and smacked his head. He already didn't like where this story was going.

"Shove it, Harry," said Ron as Hugo and Lily continued to launch their pictures off to Percy's office.

"I don't know," replied Hugo teasing his uncle. "I kinda like the sound of this story Uncle Harry."

"Yeah Dad, let Uncle Ron go on!" exclaimed Lily as she looked at him with those big brown eyes.

"Traitors! The lot of you," mumbled Harry as he waved for Ron to continue.

"So the great, intelligent, tall-"

"Oh, get on with it!"

"-red haired knight, Sir Rupert of the Noble House of Weasley was standing at this…carriage station with his mother, the Queen and his knightly brothers and sister …save for one bespectacled prat."

"Oi! Watch it there!"

"I meant Per- uh duh–Prudence! Yes, Prudence was his name."

The kids snorted at this and Ron continued.

"So as the knightly brothers were about to board the tr- I mean carriage when this messy black haired dwarf named, uh…Garry came up to them and asked them where the carriage was going."

"A dwarf?" growled out Harry as his temper rose, "maybe Sir Rupert just thought Garry was a dwarf because his Hagrid proportioned height!"

"And maybe, Garry the Dwarf should have let Sir Rupert have those Quidditch tickets instead of starting a fight in the middle of a restaurant over them!"

"Dear Godric! If anybody has the right to be angry about that it's me! Lady Ginny, Knight of the Noble House of Weasley is my wife. Those tickets were mine! By the- …marriage right of…_ stuff._ So yeah!"

Ron and Harry stood up from their chairs and moved to confront each other head on.

"OH! Nice come back, Potter!"

"Watch it, Weasley, or this dwarf is going to beat the living snot out of you in front of your son!"

Ron just laughed, "Bring it on, shrimp," as Harry tackled his legs and they fell to the ground.

The kids just sighed and rolled their eyes as the two grown men tumbled on the ground like a couple of school boys.

Just as Harry got Ron into a headlock, Percy walked into the office looking strangely at a piece of paper and said,

"Guys, you wouldn't happen to know why there are 45 doodles in my-"

Percy then pulled the paper away from his face and watched Ron and Harry brawling on the floor. He then sent a questioning look to the corner of the room where Lily and Hugo sat waving to him happily, surrounded by a dozen or so pictures.

"You know what…I don't even want to know anymore," sighed Percy as he glanced down at his watch.

His eyes then went suddenly wide as slowly tip-toed his way out of the room and then made a mad dash down the hall.

As Lily and Hugo heard their Uncle's office door slam shut, the two then turned to each other with a look that cleared asked, "What the heck was that about?"

"Huh-" said Lily as she glanced at the clock, "it's already 2 o'clock."

This statement made the two childish men freeze on the floor and look at each other in horror.

"Oh no! We're going to miss it!" exclaimed Ron as a large explosion could be heard from down the hall.

The four then raced out of the room and down the hall, just in time to see a big cloud of Dungbomb smoke rising out of Percy's office door.

"FIRE IN ZEE HOLE!" screamed "George" from the portrait of the twins in Percy's office.

"WOMEN AND WEASLEYS FIRST!" yelled the voice of "Fred" as Percy came coughing and sputtering out of the door. He then laid his vengeful sights on the two hysterically laughing father figures in the hall.

"The two…of you…are SO DEAD!" he growled and ran after them as they swept up the kids and made a mad dash down the hall.

"And so," said Hugo as he tried to speak through his uncontrollable laughter, "Sir Rupert and Garry the Dwarf made up as Prudence the Bespectacled Prat tried to end their lives."

"Hue."

"Yes, Dad?"

"There are times that I really wish you took more after Mummy. Now shut up!"

The four family members then burst out laughing as Percy continued to pursue them down the hall.

Overall, it was a very eventful day.

And later, Harry and Ron were ban from ever bringing their children to work again.

* * *

**-The End-**

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Hi Everyone! Sorry I haven't updated this for a while guys, but I'm kind of running out of ideas. So far, I only have 3 more chapters planned. If you have any feedback or ideas you want to see, please tell me in a review and I'll give you credit if I use your idea.


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